exercise…Wait! Come Back!

Love Story

Did you have a great 4th of July holiday?!

Whut? It’s the 10th already?

And me, still not bikini ready 🙁

Oh, let’s get real.

I’m not even underwired, black one piece with a pleated skort ready.

As Pinterest loves to remind me on a daily basis.

white bathing suit

and yet, casting my memory back to Christmas when my older son’s adorable girlfriend “C” bought me the Nike Fuel Band I was so chuffed.

I thought Wow-this is going to be GUHREAT!!

No more pocket for my old pedometer (and it going through the wash every other month) my new Nike band would also tell me the time, number of steps I was taking, and amount of “fuel” and calories consumed/expended each day

(but we’re not going to talk about that part. You lost me at calori…ZZZZZZzzzzzz)

Nike fuel band

Pretty cool, right? ( also comes in black)

Screen Shot 2013-06-17 at 3.23.13 PM

What I didn’t realise was that Nike was not only going to set outrageously, preposterously, Herculean, nay Sisyphean  “GOALS” for me,

 it was also going to spy on me. And be cruel about it.

 I mean could that O% get any bigger?? WTF?

 I wonder if they’re sharing Slim’s FAILURE information with the government?

It’s not as if I haven’t been active…

Amangiri hotel, Utah

Rock climbing(ish) in Utah in May

hiking Montecito, California

And as my Instagram account will attest, I’ve climbed to the top of the peaks of Montecito more than a few times.

Which means twice in truth speak.

yoga

I’ve done plenty of yoga…

yet I’m O for how many days and counting.

Nike fuel band success

Unlike my dear friend who posted this on her Instagram page.

Apparently it takes climbing Machu Picchu to achieve the  “Full Rainbow”

and a well deserved glass of wine.

Fuel band Nike Well, I’ll show you Nike Dudes

 I’m getting to the red zone if it kills me this next week.

~

Speaking of failures…

pink lantern

I still haven’t painted that damn vintage chandelier hot pink yet and then this popped up on Pinterest.

Nike and bloody Pinterest. They’re gunning for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Pinterest. Just check out that cute painted floor!

I’d love it even more if I’d been a ground floor investor, but as I’ve never invested in anything, I can’t be bitter about that.

It’s just that you can never quite predict how you’re going to feel after a tip-toe (marathon) thru “Pinterest” am I right?

It’s like;

I’m INSPIRED!! I’m so unproductive.

I’m redoing the laundry room! I hate my body. I should knit! Would it kill me to juice more?

Lauren Santa Domingo’s so cool. My mom never braided my hair. I can’t live without that hot pink garden hose.

gisele bundchen

Look, I saw it, now you have to deal with it…

ombre hair

I should ombre’ my hair

I need a portable chain saw

I should wear heels more. How do they get the jello to separate like that?

and the biggest one of all (and my current screen saver)

salted caramel & chocolate pie

How did we EVER live without salt in our caramel??

Unsalted caramel is like the MySpace of confections

.

and on that note,

Go to the gym!

JUST DO IT 🙂

xox SP

~

Photo of Ali MacGraw & Ryan O’Neil and girl in white bathing suit via Pinterest

Salted Caramel & chocolate tart recipe HERE

~

48 Comments

  1. Pinterest does have a way of making you feel a tad inadequate but I am so addicted……….have been on for over a year (was on when no one else had heard of it!) and it really takes up an inordinate amount of my time. I have over 2600 followers without trying) and it keeps me from shopping on ETSY and EBAY so it is good for something. I love the bracelet and the rainbow GOAL!!! You will get there I have no doubt!! andddddddddddddddd….you need that white suit!

  2. OMG . if that is you in the Yoga pose, you definitely are bathing suit ready.
    Just had some friends invite me up to their house in Ojai… ” bring your swimsuit” they said.. HA, those days are gone ;-))

  3. Well I am definitely a pintrestaholic. Only been for a few months, but I have stacks of my favorite magazines, unread, my closet looks like the last day of the seventy five percent sale at Neimans, and exercise, does moving my fingers around the computer count? Only happy to see that there are others out there with me, not as bad I am but with the same symptoms. Thank you for sharing. Now I am going to look on pintrest for a great rehab place….or whatever I find while pinning…..

  4. This post is spot on! Oh, Slim, only you could write such a fantastic post about Pinterest and exercise and make us all feel united in our love/hate relationship with both! I adore your writing style and the great pics.

  5. Slim, you are So right on, as always! I have vertigo from all the texting, Pinterest, smart phoning… Let’s invent a way to wire it all into the head while biking…no… wires could hurt. Let’s do it wireless, but straight to the brain, no fingers, no eyes. But in the mean time, have you been to Soul Cycle?
    Welcome back!

  6. Oh, Slim, you’re too funny! Hilarious and very-well said. This is exactly why I’ve chucked all social media out the window: I already feel guilty on my own for not doing/being all the things I should be doing or being. I don’t need Pinterest or FB to shame me even further. 🙂

  7. Heavens. I think it is probably a good thing that I am not on Pinterest! I feel bad enough just looking with Facebook Showboaters and Vogue. And honestly, sometimes the only thing that keeps my in the gym is the upside of stress relief. Still, I have been know to count “dog walking”, “cooking or food preparation” and “staining idly” as cardio on fitness tracker. I say “if they are options in the database, take ’em”! But I suspect that few of these activities would add up to one salt carmel…sigh…

    Thanks for the hilarious post that reminds me not to take it all so seriously. (And that if I don’t feel like running on the treadmill this cloudy, swampy morning, it is probably ok. I mean, that is what you meant, right? 😉

    xx

  8. As usual, love your post. Do you need a portable chain saw just to have, or is it relating to have to cut your thick hair. My mind paints it’s own pictures sometimes. Did you paint your floor yourself with the fluer de leis? I will be at our family beach house in Oxnard. Maybe I will bump into you someday at a beach flea market. Cheers!

  9. Years ago on an airplane I was reading in a woman magazine an article on contraceptives..you know, who needs to be the responsible one, man or woman…I laughed all the way to SFO…I told my hubs this guy Dave Barry needs to write a book….I’m thinking the same thing about you funny lady!

  10. ok, so get to the end of your post feeling bad about not looking like Gisele and all, then
    boom! you hit me with the recipe for the salted caramel and chocolate tart! Unfair I say!
    Plan to make it this weekend..right after I get back from the gym. 🙂

  11. Pinterest is the addiction I love to hate. Once I get on there I can’t seem to rip myself off. When enablers/friends send me links to interesting “pins”, I debate how much time I have to waste. And the exercise regime will begin tomorrow. I promise. You look like a real pro hanging from that rope Slim!

  12. I loved your post, Slim! After numerous years of looking like the Pillsbury Dough Boy, I decided to get serious and start exercising. My exercise of choice is walking and I chose a rather challenging walking venue, King George Terrace in the Oak Bay neighbourhood of Victoria. Lots of steep hills. Pretty soon, I was walking 2 hours a day, 5 days a week. My abs of flab, while not quite a 6-pack yet, had at least turned to abs of jello. And my buns were well on the way to becoming buns of bread dough (a considerable improvement over pudding). And I was loving my walks – exercise, fresh air, gorgeous scenery (King George Terrace overlooks the ocean and the mountains). I was in heaven. And then disaster struck. I was walking down one side of King George Terrace one day 6 weeks ago when I tore the cartilage and miniscus in my left knee. Now I can barely hobble the 3 blocks to the grocery store and it’ll be at least 2 years before I’m eligible for surgery. Goodbye 6-pack abs and buns of steel, goodbye King George Terrace … it was nice knowing you.

    • So sorry to hear that Squeak! Hopefully you can devise an alternate way of getting exercise while your injury is healing.

  13. Funny, funny post. I’m still giggling. Love the WTF pad, would love to find one and your YOGA pose is fabulous. But best of all was……….I will start this “next” week. My thoughts exactly.

  14. Nearly everyone in my family has the fuel band. I’ve avoided it for just the reasons you’ve shared. Let me know once you put your mind to it if it gets any easier to hit your goal. Mr. B. sits in his chair moving his arm in order to get that last little bit of movement for the band. Really? Does that even count? I think that might be cheating.
    Karen

  15. what a joy waking up at 2:30 AM when the melatonin is wearing off,reaching for my phone to read my Facebook,and seeing a Slim Paley post! The images, humor and ideas send me pleasantly back to dreamland.Thanks for the wild ride(,and my husband grumbles in bed while the bed shakes from my laughter…)Slim between reading your posts and listening to Dennis Miller, I’m snickering all the time

  16. Going to Pinterestville is a bit like living in LaLa Land – everything is so perfect, no fat flabby
    thighs – great weather and lovely scenery, good food….I’m with the lady that said, in the real
    world her closet is a mess and she hasn’t done the laundry this week because she can’t get
    off of it. Tell me truly – “what’s a body to do”?

  17. Slim, you never fail make me laugh out loud while reading your posts.

    I do not think that you have to worry about exercise, you look fabulous from what I can see in the photos that you post.

    Pinterest does indeed make one feel as if they need to have the perfect body, to take up a new sport, and to become a master chef, while saving the world.

    Have a great day and thanks for the laugh.

  18. I needed a new assistant!
    Anyway…….Lindsey arrives about 3 years ago. She is gorgeous (not why I hired her.) She is efficient, smart, quick, has a great eye…….and is just a “winner” in every way! Just what this “pretty old” decorator needs!

    Her hair looked just like your pic of “ombre hair” Exactly (If it were longer I would know it was her!)

    Exact! I asked her “who does your color?” she says..”No one!” (she is telling the truth!” I surf!) There you go!!

    I said; “God!” God colors her hair! And it is the definition of “ombre”!!

    That is natural blonde. That is what it looks like! No streaks all the way through. No streaks underneath when you make a pony tail!! I told her she should go to beauty schools and show them her hair!! Hardly anyone streaks hair that way!

  19. you are hilarious! Technology does wield a double edged sword. I’ve been doing the fit bit and jaw bone…they’ve been relatively kind…. What does it mean to ombre ones hair??

  20. Don’t even know where to begin…..not only you (as usual you start the great dialogue) but your pals are in rare form, too. I think you hit a chord with the exercise failure, the addiction to social media, the love of sitting on the arse and internet surfing and NOT being bikini-ready (for the last ten years)….I have totally WASTED 4 weeks of my life doing very little–albeit, a foreign, family adventure was a good start to a laid back summer, but once home…….NADA. I don’t have a job but should be painting and working out–at least a little…, have no idea what “Showboaters” is (just learned of Ombre hair–thanks to the husband that plucked me from my cosmopolitan life), also listen to and love Dennis Miller and take real sleep meds, (@Barbara Allen) for the very reason that melatonin doesn’t take me through the night! I can’t tell you what I’ve been doing with any regularity except trying to work out daily and today I realize my efforts are a complete joke. I just took my teenage son to a spin class today after which he informed me that I completely “don’t push” myself and sit there “spinning at quarter speed looking spaced out!” Truth is: I’m old and tired and slightly lazy. Cheers to that! I say: let’s all continue enjoying our summers and have another cocktail….xx

  21. 1. I have found if you just go naked in the summer, you will never look bad in a bathing suit. 2.Summer requirements = no rules, goals or deadlines, its time to be fuhREEEE 3. Ombre hair is easy to do yourself, just don’t get it highlighted for 6 to 12 months, viola, done. 4. Summer requisites: Sleep when your tired, drink when your thirsty, or when your not, eat when your hungry…………….. and hire someone to paint your lamp babe 🙂 then place on pinterest so we all can pin it….

    • Hilarious! If only beryl was correct! None of us would have to worry!
      She has left out the most important and the most necessary ingredient in “ombre’d” hair! I know this!

      Surfing! Surfing in salt water……hours…….I am sure technology could match this…….it just hasn’t!

      all the streaks I see (and had for 40 + years) were “falsies”!! (all through the back all the way down to the neck! YUCK!! Falsies!! (hindsight is helpful when you see mistakes made by your own self!!)
      Honestly…….that ombre pic you found……(Jeez; you are so good!!)

      Is the exact…..exact hair of my assistant…..who does not color her hair. She just “surfs” 3+ days a week here in Santa Barbara! (good thing I have been in business so long; and my identity has never been my “looks” (Oh yes! OOPS!! It is about the “looks I create in my clients interiors!!) (Not my own”looks”!

      I do think this look of this hair color is possible for people who do not surf 3+days a week!!

      (Thank God for small favors)! ( .0000000000001% of the population)?

      But a major rethinking of the “streaking” thing. I think it is beautiful beyond!!

      (Personally; I started turning white when I was 18 and a freshman at USC (University of Southern California);

      too young to have grey hair! I would love to have the money I have spent on “streaking; low lights, high lights…….over these many years…..I moved to Santa Barbara from Pasadena 17 years ago this month…….! white roots? EEK!

      Grew it out……(with the help from my hair guy for 35 years in Pasadena!

      He loved Lindsey’s hair…..I think he should “patent” ombre!!

      (What a great eye you have!! Slim!!) Fabulous eye!

      Penelope

      ps Beryl’s right! hire someone to paint your lamp! And show us all on pinterest!

      LORDY!!!

  22. Slim, for a good laugh check out pinterestfail.com
    It makes me laugh out loud much like your posts.

    • I have somehow sidestepped pinterest addiction, though I have visited that planet on occasion. I did, however, go immediately to your pinterestfail.com suggestion….hilarious! Perfect browsing for the sloth-fest that is my middle-of-the-night routine wake-up call. Thank you, and thank you Slim for your bipolar take on the ADHD world of summer (well, ok, the world in general). Is there such a thing as quadpolar?

  23. As I read I am meant to be in workout gear with the baby in a pram powering through an hour walk. So fat it is beyond a joke. Work is so awful that we’re all comfort eating…happy Bastille Day x

  24. Slim, You are the hilarious! That band would make me crazy. I already have that commentary running through my brain daily without a band telling me what a slacker I am! I can totally relate to the Pinterest thoughts as well…I love it, but it puts my already scattered ADD brain on hyperdrive…Shoulda, woulda, coulda…

    Loved this!
    xx

  25. This hysterical post and the hilarious comments are the most enjoyable things I’ve read all summer. Oh, who am I kidding. I haven’t READ anything this summer ~ too busy Pinning, ‘Gramming, Facebooking, etc. Loved this post so much ~ you continue to be my favorite blogger EVER. {And didn’t it tickle you just a little that we thought the yoga poser was YOU?! Glad you set the record straight. You can now correctly reveal the identity ~ it’s actually ME.}
    : )

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