Totally True Confessions Tuesday

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Slim Paley photo

A little visual sorbet to soften the following photo

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So, I left  Las Vegas perhaps a little lighter of pocket but feeling just a wee bit better about my body image.

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Slim Paley Photo

Can you believe I got this photo?  The Sartorialist is going to be so jealooos!

I suspect the poor sales associate in Louis Vuitton would not have been smiling like that if she’d had the pleasure of this back view…

I admit, I did feel a tad guilty about snapping it- Twas only the deep dedication I have to my readers that guided my finger to the button, and the fact that her boyfriend seemed perfectly happy with the view.

And while we’re on the subject of guilt…

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I had one of these while I was shopping in Vegas.  The powers of the Fast Food kiosks were simply too strong to resist

When was the last time you had a good old fashioned Dairy Queen chocolate dipped ice cream cone?

For me it was decades, but boy it was GOOOOOD!

The trick is to bite off the swirl right before it hardens- Heaven.

And since I seem to have saddled up to the confessional window on this beautiful Tuesday, I might as well go Full Monty and confess to a few more of my heavily weighing sins…

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Poetry

- I read the New Yorker poetry for all the wrong reasons

- I really don’t like the poetry of Anne Sexton or Sylvia Plath either.

Oh sure, I pretended to when I was a teenager or maybe I wasn’t pretending, perhaps I really did like them then…

nah, I was faking it.

What a couple of whinging Debbie Downers those two were.

Anytime your angst makes Dorothy Parker look like a Motivational Coach it might be time to up the visits to your therapist, or put down the cigarette and take a walk in the garden.

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I can’t even hear the words “The Bell Jar” without rolling my eyes now.

Music

-OK, this one is kind of embarrassing;  I hate Jazz music. There, I said it.

That riff-y, Miles Davis, Jazz-Fusion, totally making it up as they go along Jazz? Aargh- instant headache. It seems totally Emperor’s New Clothes to me.

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If Sawyer from Lost asked me to go to a Jazz club I wouldn’t go.

-Here’s another confession;  That was a total lie.

I’d so go to a Jazz club with Sawyer,  jauntily tilted beret, capri pants and black flats in two seconds.

I’d even smoke if need be.

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Bob Dylan??? OMG- just kill me now.

OK, I get that his lyrics were great for the time, blah, blah, blah, but seriously? I don’t get it.

I’d rather go to a Grateful Dead concert and believe me, that’s saying something.

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Movies



-I’ve never seen “Saving Private Ryan”.

I know it’s a totally brilliant film, and I adore Tom Hanks,  but I’ve always been too afraid of the scary war scenes that I’m told you don’t have time to prepare yourself for.

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Never seen “Bridge Over The River Kwai” either, although I love William Holden and my husband insists it’s one of the best movies of all time.

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-Or “2001 Space Odyssey”

I can’t get past how BORing the first 1/2 hour is.  Why do all men love this film so much??! I’d rather watch “Lawrence of Arabia” twice,  back to back, then attempt Space Odyssey again.

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-Another great film I hate;  Orson Welles’ “The Third Man” .

UGH, just thinking of that weird Zither music gives me hives- I dread the moment I hear it and know that my husband will be immediately captivated and this will be the rest of our evening;

He “GENIUS”

Me “Can you please turn it down a little?”

He “The mans a GENIUS

Me “Um…did the volume go up during the commercial or something? Can’t you turn it down just a bit” (pouring glass of wine)

He ” Just LOOK at that lighting”

Me “Has this ferris wheel scene been on for like 3 hours? Are you listening to me at all?”

He “Every shot is perfection

Me “I think I am going to buy those earrings after all…”

He “Are you up for “Citizen Kane” next? “

Me “Sure. Probably the coat and the Tom Ford shoes too”

He “It’s unbelievable he was only 25 when he made that film- he’s from another planet”

Me “Where’d the rest of the wine go??”

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Exercise


-If I actually break a sweat when I’m exercising I start to panic.



- Sometimes I run up and down the stairs secretly and quietly just before bed so that I can accumulate steps on my pedometer before comparing it with my husband’s.

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- I bought a posture monitor and never wear it, because guess what? the fricking thing actually works and it’s annoying as hell.

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- I totally cheat on my yoga breathing

Who wants to accidentally snort in  yoga class??

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Random

Slim Paley photo taken with “Hipstomatic” App. on iPhone

-Did you know there are over 350,000 Apps for iPhones  now?  I confess I only use about 5 Apps regularly and perhaps another 3 once and awhile when I’m feeling creative.  I must admit I’m beginning to hate this “Tip of the Iceberg” syndrome I feel more and more lately.  Maybe “App. Clubs” are the new “Book Clubs”?  If I don’t  pull that together, which, let’s face it, I won’t, I vow to set at least one day a month aside to catch up on computer/techno/gadgetry wizardry.

I will not be mocked by my progeny.

Here’s another really bad one;

- I’ve never been to The Getty Museum and I live only an hour and a half away.

Slim Paley photo

-I sweet talk my roses

-and swear at my Tupperware. I know damn well there’s a lid conspiracy going on.

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And lastly, this is the top shelf of my pajama closet next to my bed.

Oh, wait… one more

I’m tired of pretending I don’t like Wiz Khalifa’s

Black & Yellow

(turn it UP!)

It’s my younger son’s ring tone so it’s in my head all the time. Have to admit I love it! :(

I feel utterly cleansed now.

OK, YOU next!

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124 thoughts on “Totally True Confessions Tuesday

  1. Belly laughs on this one…doesn’t it feel good to be totally honest out loud. You said it for us girlfriend…I cheat in yoga breathing too…I would rather cheat than snort and sniffle. I have snapped some unsavory photos of the unsuspecting too and send them to my friends–does a tinge of mean girl spirit come over me–hell no I don’t know them and it is funny.

    Thanks for the giggles
    XO

  2. You must get to the Getty — in a few weeks would be ideal because of the gardens. I actually tried blow drying (it blew) my roses to get them to bloom for my Easter brunch one year … Easter was early that year and I thank the rose gods it is late this year and we will be in rose splendor. My hubby now hides the orange extension cords from me.

  3. Re: The Tupperware lids
    Did you ever consider that your husband might be HIDING them from you? Yeah, me neither, until I caught him. His reason? “Cause you look so darned cute whirling around the kitchen like a little dervish, droppin’ f-bombs, n’ sh*t.” I lie awake at night, plotting my revenge; it will be EPIC…

  4. When my husband asked where all the Girl Scout Thin Mints went I said, “Don’t know – maybe the kids?”

    When I read that you wouldn’t even go to a Jazz Club with Sawyer I said outloud, “Seriously?” and then I read your next line. Slim, you never disappoint.

  5. The photo is genius and very Vegas.
    I hate The Grateful Dead and Bob Dylan. I think I might hate Tupperware too, but I’m on the fence.

  6. RE: -OK, this one is kind of embarrassing; I hate Jazz music. There, I said it.

    That riff-y, Miles Davis, Jazz-Fusion, totally making it up as they go along Jazz? Aargh- instant headache. It seems totally Emperor’s New Clothes to me.
    However…

    ‘Round Midnight by Thelonious Monk

    Changed my taste in music – entirely!! – Miles did this song as well, but this is version is mind altering! I truly believe it has the power to move a person into a different way of thinking. It’s something about the random musical connections that do it for me – just give it 1 or 427 listens. Just Sayin…

  7. I’ve never seen any of those movies either; dont like jazz at all which means I miss the trip to Catalina with my friends every year (bore me!), dont take mean girl pics only because I dont know how to use my phone camera and absolutely love dairy queen cones. There I said it….

  8. Your best post evah!!!!! Thanks for continuing to be my very favorite blog.
    Okay, here’s my confessions.
    I do not care for George Clooney. He does not excite me in that tingling in the nethers kinda way.
    I hate popcorn—I know, so un-American of me!
    I really did not care for the book “Eat, Pray, Love”. I thought she was smug. Gosh, I will be hated by so many of my housewife friends for admitting that one.
    And lastly, I do not do Facebook, nor do I care to do it. I’m so tired of my neighbors communicating via Facebook. I do not want to find out you are divorcing or having surgery via the computer. What ever happened to “Hey, let’s get together for a coffee and a chat!”.

  9. For reasons both great and small…

    I wish there were no professional basketball, football or boxing!!
    Those sports are too loud and aggressive…and the players are so sweaty, sticky, and gross!
    Why do they have to get soooooo much money for all that?
    Why does my hubby love to watch those games and highlights over and over and over?

    I get shaken by the sound of cars honking.
    Why do people have to honk (at me) all the time?
    It’s loud and distracting!
    I vote for a “no honking rule”.
    Wouldn’t it be fantastic if someone invented ringtones for our automobile horns?!

    L O V E & M I S S…. Sawyer….thanks for the yummy photo :-)

    xoxo
    ps…what I do like is slimpaley.com…it’s got the most flair on the web…hands down!!

    • Thank you M.L.!

      and I’m with you – I’m always the one jumping out of my seat at unexpected noise- can’t bear it.

  10. You are too funny. I actually hate the song “Sweet Home Alabama” even though everybody and their mother seems to love it. I guess I must be un-American.

  11. Nice stealth Vuitton shot. But really, is it the bum crack or what appears to be a French Pedicure that we’re supposed to be horrified by? Definitely a tie.

    Maybe living so close to the Getty just makes it sound like an obligation as opposed to a treat (I bet the people down the street from the Orsay in Paris never go. They probably just complain about the tourist buses in their street.)

    How can you sleep so close to chocolate? Doesn’t it throb insistently at you all night?

  12. Today you gave us laughter which, with visions of beauty, is greatest food for soul. I laughed at all and agreed with most but haven’t you ever had one of those great late nights of jazz in a smokey cafe, preferably Paris in old days, or actually Las Cienega in the 50′s when even Bobby Short was playing the street (not jazz but lots of memories!). And this time I’m really with your husband on Third Man and Citizen Kane. Only men I’ve secretly loved as much as Orson Welles are Joseph Cotton and Sean Connery. Welles was the genius, Joseph Cotton’s voice got me as did Welles’, and Sean Connery, well figure that one out for yourself!

  13. I have been holding on to this word in relation to your blog waiting for the right moment for so long that it is now bursting out, regardless of my restraint- Hilarious!(a word that should only be brought out for special occassions). I thought I was the only one who re-read the Bell Jar and was embaressed and yes, despite all the musicians in my family who just adore jazz, it makes me cringe. I finally made it to the Barnes Museum a month before it closed(I have been within 2 hours of its location for 20 years). Ignoring my usual restraint, the word can no longer be contained.
    Well done.

  14. Oh my … still gasping for air.You are the best! My secret… you won’t tell? right?
    When I get over stressed I watch the music video “Hillbilly Delux”… over and over and over. I don’t even like country music. But, the damn thing makes me smile and I stop worrying about stuff. I need therapy.

  15. Oh dear………….there are two of us in the world! You may be my long lost twin or something. I agree with you on everything! I just didn’t have the guts to admit it. Loving the Hipstamatic thing and took some great shots of Daisy (who else?). it is being posted this week because as we all know she is quite adorable like her mummy. Have a great weekend Slim an swing around sometime (you know i have a blog?).
    Much love and bless your heart for being so gutsy (i will be the wimpy, people-pleasing twin).
    XOXO

  16. Thanks for making me laugh so much that I surely must have burned off all the calories in the chocolate chip cookie I ate secretly after finishing the dishes. (shhh). My confession? I’ve never seen Star Wars. Or any of the sequels (or prequels?) I even went to the drive-in with friends when I was in high school when the original first came out and, since it was the second feature, I was tired and curled up in the backseat and tuned it out. Now that I have two teen-aged boys, all of the movies have been played at least once in my house but I have never seen them. Somehow I always manage to find something else to do (dishes? ironing? anything?) while they’re playing. Oh, and I agree with Emily, I didn’t really enjoy Eat, Pray, Love either. And finally, I love your secret stash hidden among your pajamas. Clever girl!

    • Ditto what you said about Star Wars Susan. YUK! I left the theatre and flipped through a magazine in the lobby and waited for my friends while they watched the movie.

  17. Slim,

    Uhm, is the person at LV a woman or a man???

    Thinking with wretched pedicure and long hair it’s a woman but seriously? That butt crack looks like a plumber to me….

    Tallulah – he hid them on purpose? Although it’s kind of cute he thinks your cute when your mad. You must update us after your revenge!

    HATED Lawrence of Arabia, rented it before seeing Wadi Rum, what do people see with that movie? Painful. Ended up fast forwarding through the whole thing, optimistically thinking surely there would be one scene that would be good, but alas, not so much.

    Thank you, as always, for the best blog on the web, in the world. ever. That is all.

  18. god! so funny!

    I hated those morose women too…….a pity party!
    I disliked the cynicism of TS Eliot so much I refused to read him in my senior year English Lit class (I was an English Lit major) I just wouldn’t. Guess what the final was? ” Compare TS Eliot to any other author we read this semester.” JEEZ. I tried to BS. Pretty hard. I got a D-. I was getting an A; the final was 1/3 of my grade. It would have meant my GPA would seriously drop…..and I cared.

    I went to the professor and begged to take a make up. I said my “brain chemistry wouldn’t let me read TS Eliot”. BEGGED! He was the only author I boycotted.

    He let me take a make-up. Could that happen today?

    NOT!

  19. Ok seriously, who are you and what have you done with our elegantly sweet Slim? Well, I don’t really care because I LOVE this one!

  20. Well you had me fooled. Sylvia Plath reminds me of you to this day.
    I only saw the first episode of Lost. It bored me. I’ve never seen Survivor. And I hate, hate, hate anything Star Wars. Or Star Trek.

    • More about what Natalie said …

      I have a vivid memory of you walking to school WHILE READING A BOOK. :)
      The book: Sylvia Plath. Another funny one … you walking to school while drinking a cup of coffee. (Late as usual. Tee hee.) The coat you were wearing: a reddish brown suede midi coat! While I think of it who was that Royal Canadian Mounted Policeman who gave you rides to school?

      True confession: I am not delirious over Sawyer. Give me Cary Grant in his late 50′s.

      • I’ve always enjoyed a Police escort :)
        Closest I’ll ever get to being President!
        and at least I ‘copped’ to liking ‘The Bell Jar’ as a teen! (no pun intended)

  21. Hate jazz, haven’t been to the Getty, but Slim have you not seen the website
    for Wal-Mart People.com? Makes your entry look like a Vogue model.

  22. Eeeks! I also have a treat stash, have downed 11 Krispy Kremes at one time, have had to buy Halloween candy four times in one week (where did all that darn candy go??)until I finally bought sweettarts and lollipops and low and behold the candy stuck around.

    I bought an Omron because of you but then deduced that 10,000 steps equal 3 cupcakes.

    I have lived in AZ since 84 but have never visited the Grand Canyon.

    But my senior got accepted to Stanford last week –right on his 18th birthday –so I think I’ll have another cupcake!

    P.S. Love your vintage looking app photos!
    P.S. II I think I am ready for some Sun Valley house and surroundings pics!

    • It i s sooo hard to get into Stanford now!

      I swear……my niece……3rd generation…….valedictorian of her class in Palo Alto…….her mother has raised millions of dollars from alumnae…….for women’s sports…… DID NOT GET IN!

      this was ten or so years ago….maybe 15 ….but Bravo!

      I went to USC (fight on!!); however I adore Stanford. Please relay my BRAVO!! to your daughter!

      • Thank you Penelope. Connor worked sooo hard and being a white boy with no connections–I was so happy happy for him. The acceptance rate this year was 6% –seems just crazy!

  23. It was worth reading just to picture you in a yoga snort (impossible) – much better than (the) crack – I am still laughing

  24. True Confession: “Roses are Red” poetry is as far as I go.

    True Confession: I (also) have not seen Saving Private Ryan for the same reasons (but have no guilt about it)

    True Confession: I have watched every show of every season of the show 24 twice (at least). My policy, though, is that if I’ve seen the show once, then I have to be exercising to watch duplicates.

    True Confession (with mega-guilt): I have inducted my five year-old daughter into the John Mellancamp and Prince (as in “Formerly Know As”) fan clubs. She has several songs memorized. Yes, I do censor. I’m not THAT bad!

    Gentle reminder: Las Vegas and The Getty Museum are at most equidistant (by plane) from your home. I’m just sayin’…

  25. This totally should be a regular feature. Thoroughly enjoyed it. But I do love Orson Welles though I interviewed his daughter and discovered he wasn’t the best father. I guess when one’s a genius they don’t have much time for personal relationships. Plus we share the same hometown and when I visited his birthplace over Christmas I just had two pomegranate margaritas and my best friend snapped a few pictures of me in front of the house – I have fond memories. :)

    Another thing about Jazz music – did you ever see the Spongebob episode where they have to learn to be adults? Patrick says, “You have to appreciate free form jazz!” Very funny.

  26. I love your blog, love it! Did you grow up in the South? Were you a Chi Omega once? Seriously, I concur with everything you said. Believe me, I have thought many of them, on many occasions, but… I am embarrassed to say that I spit my ice across the bed more than once, you are hilarious! I have been meaning to write and tell you that you remind me of the best friend that I wish I had, but the truth is ..you remind me of the sister that I wish I had! My real one does that hideous triathalon thing in Hawaii and only talks about her times, ever, and she’s 52, ok? That photograph is priceless. I went through a five year divorce with a tax lawyer, yikes, so I feel like I am reading about my former life (long story but I gave up), but suffice it to say that I smuggled David Austin roots in my luggage from London before they were available here. thank you for making my day a whole lot brighter, and funnier! Pamela

    • Please come visit us in Santa Barbara…..there is a place…..”Rose Story Farm” that grows David Austin roses and has something like 15,000 rose bushes. They have lunches every Wednesday and Saturday…and a tour of the rosebushes…..they send them all over the world! They only have “old-fashioned” roses that have a scent!
      Sounds like you had a rough go…….I would love to see you come here!

      Penelope
      I have the teeniest tiny guest house……..
      You are welcome……….

    • Hi Pamela
      No, I did not grow up in the South- in the Far North in fact.
      But I love Southern literature if that counts for anything…
      except “The Help”- There, another confession- the only person apparently who didn’t like that book. :(

      • No… you’re not the only one… “The Help” was rejected by 65… yes, SIXTY-FIVE publishers before it was finally published.

  27. So refreshing–wonderful!–to hear that someone else did not like Bob Dylan! As for jazz, all that “riffing” bores me.
    The movie Lawrence of Arabia (in my opinion) is a real guy’s flick. I fell asleep somewhere after the first third.

  28. Hell yeah love me some Wiz Khalifa when I run (Please do not tell my children they will be mortified but I lalso like the Bloody Beetroots!)
    I hear you on the:
    2001 Space Odyssey (Also add Star Wars too)
    Hate Jazz (Hubs courted me in jazz clubs but a girl’s got to do!)
    Sylvia Plath. Part of my drinking every one the Twining tea range when I was 20 and oh so sophisticated. Seriously English Breakfast and Orange Pekoe is all I need.)
    I heart your pyjama closet.
    Kate Bx

  29. So many outloud laughs! Because, of course, I can relate: Bob Dylan wtf? Jazz?… cowboy music is easy listening compared to jazz. You are so funny, Slim. I heart you.

  30. Miles IS boring. But there is jazz for you Slim. I promise. And it can be transcendent and sexxxy. (As much as Black and Yellow!) I haven’t seen Saving Private Ryan OR Forrest Gump. Ha! Don’t care for Sylvia Plath either but jeez wasn’t she bipolar? My children are grown now but I can’t tell you how many times I devoured their Halloween candy. (Still haunts me.) Now for the biggest sin of all- A year ago I started smoking. (excuse-a dear friend suffered a tragedy) And drinking. (It’s a fab combo)
    Oh and I bought an Omron because of you. Instead of a beach house.

  31. The butt crack at the LV store still has me laughing – great laughs here and I need them- have to agree with the Hub on Orson Welles however- pure genius every frame – but your comment about the zither music is making me hysterical and envisioning 40′s cartoons with cats dancing and swinging their tales around- thanks

  32. Slim
    You Always crack me up!
    Want a posture monitor pleez divulge source.
    and totally agree there is a BIG lid conspiracy

  33. I have only seen one Harry Potter film and fell asleep.
    I played the T Monk above and thought it was good.
    I love True Confessions.
    More, please.

  34. I saw Miles Davis and knew right where you were going with this post! I was harrangued and shamed into buying the CD which is now hiding in my basement. I very sincerely concur with your nomination of Bob Dylan. There are so very many things we are expected to love and people we are expected to worship in our society. I will only mention the worst, most vile movie ever made…and then it WON THE OSCAR. RAIN MAN. worst. movie.ever.

    Love ya, Slim!

  35. Slim… true confession? I adore you.
    And… I HATE Bob Dylan…. and jazz (it always seems self-indulgent)…..and let’s throw in Tom Petty, too. And I think a lot of “classic” literature is rubbish. And I think poetry that doesn’t rhyme and doesn’t have cadence is lazy. And I think the architecture and gardens of the Getty FAR outshine the collection, so spend more time outside than in :-) xoxoxoxo

  36. Are we related? Just today I saw a dude in full makeup walking across the crosswalk with three tropical-style purses with his/her jeans so low, his/her bum was fully and undeniably exposed. Why are bare bums so freaking funny/gross?!

    And yeah, I don’t “get” jazz. I was in jazz choir in high school. It was sooo boring, and I was even the one singing it.

  37. Huh? Everyone doesn’t have a pajama closet?? I thought there was a y in “Pyjama” getting red dots all over. OH well. We know what we mean!
    Was there ever a y in the word describing the shirt and pants one wears to bed…?

    Your commenters are totally hilarious….and what a following….and you deserve it!

    ps my only difference (not disagreement) is that I have always liked that croaky old voice of Bob Dylan…I have liked it…and I liked the lyrics……(if I tried to sing. I would sound like that)
    I am older….and that may explain!

    Otherwise……I am so on your page!

  38. Just read this post after a beautiful, but very full day and want to thank you for making the end of the day so SO hilarious. I am at my desk laughing out loud at each and every confession! My husband keeps asking me, “What’s so funny?” They all ring so true. I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one who hasn’t gone to the Getty even after numerous and frankly, wonderful opportunities! And Black & Yellow?!?!? I sing it out loud and embarass the girls….’no key – push to start’…I can even do his laugh when I’m in the mood…hahahaha :) LOVE it!

  39. My 3 year old can sing most of the words to Black and Yellow. I know it is probably totally inappropriate that I let her listen to music like that, but I’m with you, better than Jazz! Oh and I LOVE Dairy Queen chocolate dipped cones!! I go one step further and have them roll it in rainbow sprinkles after it is dipped. And finally, I spied an Aero Bar in your candy basket. I thank YOU for introducing those to me many, many years ago.

  40. I always deny it when someone calls and asks if they woke me up when in fact I’ve been fast asleep.
    If I ever utter, “I’m saving it for later”, don’t believe me.
    Ditto with Slim on ‘The Bell Jar’.
    I adore Dixieland and Swing but abhor Be-Bob, Hard-Bop, Jazz Fusion, etc.
    ‘Madame Bovary’ is one long stretch of boredom.
    I’ve never read ‘Les Miserable’.
    I’ve never cracked a smile at a Charlie Chaplin movie.
    I’ve never laughed or even yucked at a Conan O’Brien joke.
    I’ve yet been able to sit through ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’. It sets my teeth on edge and I dislike its philosophy.
    I don’t get: Bob Dylan; Tom Waits; SpongeBob Square Pants; and ‘Citizen Kane’.
    Don’t get me started on my Helen Hunt problem.
    I’ve never seen ‘Star Wars’ or its many, many, many sequels.
    I love parades.
    I once sent a female who stole my fella a bunch of magazine subscriptions–unpaid for, of course, with those annoying blow-outs that fall out of magazines. Hey–I was a (relative) kid then.
    I once, years and years ago, during a BYOB, filled an empty bottle of expensive vodka with a much cheaper one.
    I think Paul Guilfoyle of ‘CSI’ is sexy.
    Whenever Leonardo DiCaprio is on screen I find watching paint dry more interesting.
    I don’t like Rome.
    I will go and see any Michael Mann, Nicole Holcefner or Roman Polanski movie.
    I’ll see anything with Jeff Goldblum or Marisa Tomei.
    I am an ardent animal lover.
    I adore trees and orchards.
    Flowers are nice.
    However…
    I hate nature. No hikes or picnics.
    I’m a city rat. I like man made stuff.

  41. After I heard the Third Man was supposed to be the best movie ever from a classic film buff like your husband ;) , I Netflixed it and just couldn’t get into it. But surprise, I loved a 1926 silent film called Sunrise which is not to be missed. Who knew I could enjoy a silent film, but REALLY, it is very cool – a movie with great influence on Tim Burton and others. Great story too.

    I also have never made it to the Ghetty. Friends of mine say its worth just going to the cafe and sitting out looking at the view over drinks and a salad — they’ve never been in the museum at all, but have been to its cafe 5 times! haha

    I lived in CA for almost 20 years before getting to Yosemite – and only that one time. Must get back someday.

    I lived outside D.C. my whole life until 21 yrs old and never went up into the Washington Monument because the line was always too long in my opinion. Darn it. Going back in a few weeks for something, so now that I’m confessing, I think I’ll make that a priority stop.

    I just had my eyebrows waxed and shaped for the first time in my life – I never even plucked b/c I thought why bother, that’s a lot of work. So I feel more feminine than ever, and without makeup…why did I wait this long?!

    I think facials at a spa are even better than massages! Getting both would be heaven and I’d have to not do anything for 3 days to make it last longer. I hate when those good happy relaxed feelings wear off! (though I am very happy normally, what gives?)

    I love my kids and never agree (inside) when someone tells me, “Oh, you have 2 boys, 12 and 9? That’s a lot of work!” For me, yardwork is a lot of work–enjoying my relationships with 2 great boys? Not so much! I just smile.

    • You are blessed indeed Krista if your eyebrows are more unruly than your boys!
      and Yosemite is DEFINITELY on my bucket list.

  42. True confessions? I’m such a book snob I’ve never even been in a single book club, but I’ve started reading the occasional romance novel when my husband is out of town so he can’t make fun of me. And I feel terrible afterwards!

  43. I “ditto” everything on this blog, absolutely everything! (But now I must confess , Wiz Khalifa was new to me, and now I “ditto” that too:-)

  44. You just said what most of us think! I’ve always chalked up my absence of “getting” some modern phenom (movies, art, music) to “‘art being subjective”. We each have or own taste…then I think, “besides, I’m basically shallow and only like pretty and fun stuff!”
    Karen

  45. A lot of these were pre our friendship but i am so on the same wavelength as you! Never admitted to not liking Jazz before, i actually threw up in Space Odysey after eating a double bounty! So no good memories there! And, my first visit up the Eiffel Tower after living in Paris for 2 years was when you visited- i wouldnt smoke for a date with anyone, or wear flats but i do admit he is gorgeous!
    As for war movies, i did that because movies are my thing, and apart from the first scene YOU would like ‘saving private Ryan’ but just think yourself lucky, i have to take my kids to see Scream 4 tonight, i HATE horror films as they made me neurotic throughout my obsession with seeing them in my teens and i feel like a bad mum if they go alone

  46. OMG, you mean there is something wrong with the stash of Lu Petit Ecolier cookies and Lindt truffles behind the shower curtin and between my side of the bed and the bedside table?????
    Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh, a late night bath and a chocolate truffle NOT listening to JAZZ!!…….nothing like it!
    Star Wars!? Saw the first 7 minutes of the first one the day it came out holding my 2-week-old first born in my arms (no baby was going to change my life!), until the loud music and his wailing sent us to the lobby where I sat on the floor for the duration nursing and bonding……never have seen it or any others since. Ist born has seen all of them of course.
    BUT, I have NO sympathy for folks (DH) who can’t figure out which lid goes with which contaner……it’s a visual/volume thing I think…..I’ve even painted colored dots on corresponding sets, to no avail……I still hear the grumbling from the kitchen as he tries to put away the leftovers…..but can’t complain too much…….at least he’s cleaning up.
    Laughed out loud with the rest of your fans………you really ought to go on the road,
    Loved it all, as always.

  47. LOL, I love this. I have tried to be so optimistic lately and not to air my opinion if it isn’t the brightest. I have to say this was so refreshing to read. Thank you for the laugh/rant and I know you would go to that Jazz Club if he asked nicely.

  48. OOOOOOOOOOH, Aero bars! Missed that spotting in your stash. Born in Canada and when dad went to visit family he would bring them home to me……..such fond memories. Can you get them stateside? Please tell.

  49. My secret confession. . . I am beginning to love the comments written by others after they read your blog! Sounds like many educated independent thinkers follow you and the humor you offer! I know I look forward to my email announcing a new post – I think my face lights up!!

    Of course, I agree with you on star wars, boring movies (I am always sitting there wondering what is wrong with me that everyone else likes it-won’t do that anymore lol)

    I like the ambiance of the old Getty better . . .just saying. . . Malibu views

  50. My confession… More than the exposed crack, I am grossed out by the carpet at the Louis Vuitton store. Yuck!

  51. True Confession? I spend my days strangled by thong underwear two sizes too small because my loving husband still thinks I’m the size I was when I met him. Delusions of hope that I’ll have the fortitude to forego the wine consumption every night that contributes to said size discrepancy are alas, ever present and remain unaddressed. Wine or disillusion? I choose the wine.:-)

    • lol L.P.

      You might enjoy this;

      Woman is sitting on the veranda with her husband. She says “I love you.”
      He asks “Is that you or the wine talking?”
      she replies,” Its me……talking to the wine.”

  52. I hate Jazz music and I raise you Country music…yuck

    I hate all movies that have anything to do with space, I have not watched Star Wars or any Space Odyssey movies, E.T was as far as I could go.

    I hate that the United States of America has not figured out how to make a Caesar Cocktail….it’s really not that hard. Someone should open up a Caesar stand and maybe sell some Aero bars there as well.

    Unlike most people, I actually LOVE Vegas, the bum crack not so much.

    Next time you hit a D.Q try their Oreo Cookie Blizzard!

    thanks for the laughs!

  53. This is my FAVORITE blog of all.

    I hate jazz and Dylan. Never watched 2001 past the first 20 minutes. But love Bridge on the River Kwai.

    Slim, I laughed so hard while bopping to Black and Yellow. Thanks its a good day….

  54. You absolutely MUST be my long-lost twin, Slim; and I’ve been missing you all my life! :)

    It’s like looking into a mirror. ;-)

    Substitute Cee Lo Green singing “Forget You” for Wiz Khalifa, whom I’ve never before heard.

    And, don’t you have the BEST friends here on your blog? I’ve been laughing at their comments, too,

    and agreeing with most of their thoughts. Tallulah Eulallie had me giggling uproarously.

    Oh, and I confess that several Christmases ago, I bought a Diana Krall cd because she looked

    so scrumptious in that green gown, played it once and have been trying ever since to give it away. I

    just can’t stand the way she phrases the old standards. When a singer sounds as though they are

    just trying to phrase things in a way that is different than anyone else, but not best for the lyrics,

    it’s as bad as – well as a bad lounge singer. She IS very pretty, though. And, does anyone else look

    at some couples and think, “What do you see in him/her?” It’s a mystery!

  55. Really entertaining post. Loved all the comments and agree with most.
    I love, love dairy Queen choc covered cone. I thought Aero bars only in Canada also. Hate jazz with a passion, makes me soooo hyper if i have to listen to it for even 5 mins.
    Feels good to rid your soul of nasty issues once in a while.
    Another funny, funny post.ox

  56. omg i saw this sooo late. soul sister! i love william holden, would marry him even old . I do like jazz but crazy love…..xob

  57. The ONLY time Jazz has ever had any appeal to me was the scene in the Talented Mr. Ripley when Jude Law was on stage in the Italizn Jazz club. Wow.

    Ok,this may get me burned at the stake in the blog-o-sphere because it seems all fashion/design/lifestyle bloggers seem to have constructed a collective shrine to J Crew. I hate to say it, but the emperor has no clothes on. And if he did, I am guessing he would not choose the mismatched, wrinkled mishmash of low quality crap J Crew has taken to turning out while everyone sighs over their brilliance. The catalogs, stores and website are depressing and the “outfits” look like something Little Edie from grey gardens picked out of a dumpster. In the spirit of true confession–i’m just sayin’…

    • Leslie wasn’t Grey Gardens like the craziest documentary with the nuttiest of fruitcakes?? But I have to true confess I watched it to the end fascinated–eek what does that say about me?

  58. Whew… I just got back from Vegas today and I was in just about every LV store while we were there. SO glad that picture wasn’t me! I couldn’t find a store (except for YSL at Crystal’s) that didn’t have pushy salespeople telling me I HAD to have the IT bag, the MUST HAVE bag, isn’t this gorgeous-everybody-wants-it, this is what’s on ALL the runways RIGHT NOW, blech! BTW… couldn’t get tix to the show we really WANTED to see ;) so my daughter and I went and saw Celine.

    Came home after being gone 4 days and my garden looked like it actually missed us! Everything is coming into bloom and its all looking gorgeous. True confession: I hate gardening….

  59. As much as I make him feel guilty for going out with the guys, and leaving me to fend for myself a night, I actually enjoy having the bed to myself, and just being alone….

  60. Slim –

    1) Badger some older person for a distinction between “the late Miles” and “the early Miles.”

    “Kind of Blue” is not late, fusion Miles.

    (It’s more like Miles with all the perfect shots, all the perfect shadows, all the very best gutters, and every picturesque sewer in Paris. How bad can that be?)

    2) What I liked best about “The Hours” was seeing the dreadful, awful, limitlessly tiresome Virginia Woolf drown twice. (I know, I can’t say that here.)

  61. Here, here for the non-loving Jazz music folk! Don’t you just feel a hell of a lot better, now? I know I do and YOU said it?!? I don’t get it either, my husband loves jazz, as do a lot of our friends, so it’s just little ole’ me trying to hang in there with all the ‘jazz talking love.” Anyway, love you’re blog, I can usually relate and that’s always nice!

    Cathy

  62. oh my gosh you are just so stinkin funny girl! Those tupperwear lids have got to be the all time irritation of my life. I mean seriously???? where DO they go?
    xo
    kb

  63. perfect….perfection….hilarious….true…..bloody brilliant…..your post of course, and the comments on this post are fabulous!!!! oh slim….you make my day!
    with much gratitude…..
    m.

  64. Sooo funny. Thank you SP for the hilarious musings! I agree with you on many but the Bob Dylan thing is personal. My boyfriend and I have a bone of contention over one of his songs. It has started fights it has made us laugh (fake laugh). Suffice it to say I’m with you on that one and wouldn’t care if I never heard another Bob Dylan song in my life!

  65. YOU SLAY ME! WHy do I talk out loud to your posts? From the start “You are so BAD!” to the end “No, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS!!! But I’m probably not supposed to know.”

  66. I love you honesty. It is hard to pretend to be sophisticated all the time!! Loved your opening photo. If I saw that I would be tempted to snap a shot too!!
    Thanks for the chuckle this morning.

  67. Dear Slim, what a brilliant and hilarious post.

    I HATE jazz. Thank God someone said it. I have before and everyone looks at me in amazement.

    I can only cope with Bob Dylan’s faster numbers.

    I’ve not seen any of those films either. I’ve only ever watched ONE war film ever and that was Apocalypse Now. That was quite enough thank you. I haven’t even seen Star Wars!

    I don’t like Sylvia Plath and the only poem I love by Ted Hughes is Lovesong.

    I am off to the shop now to restock my stash of chocolate after seeing yours.

    Have a wonderful weekend, much love, C xx

  68. OOOOOOOU I love to laugh out loud at your posts!!!!

    I admit I never got Dylan. Springsteen & Neil Diamond make my ears bleed.

    In the late 70′s I was dating a very nice fellow who gushed that he had been to scores of Neil Diamond concerts. I stopped dating him on the spot. I thought, when you’re so ‘not on the same page’ when it comes to music, what possible future could the relationship have?

    I’ve never seen ET, but I’ve watched “Meet Joe Black” & “As Good As It Gets” each about 10 times. Boy,………. a shrink could have a field day with that!

  69. Slim… your fan club is growing, this was a great post.
    My true confession… as a little girl, I hated old crayons… they smelled funny :o>

  70. I want to cheer out loud from this post! I hate Jazz. I don’t like those movies. I don’t like Las Vegas!

    This post was so funny! Thank you!

  71. Late getting to the party, but glad I didn’t miss it. Your wit and intelligence have always impressed me. While the blog entry made me smile and marvel, it was the joke (woman and her wine) that made me laugh out loud. I sent it on to those in need. I’m sure you’ll approve.

  72. I come so late to this party so I feel I can safely confess and no one will even read!

    I tell my cat-friends that I’m allergic to cats so i can’t come to their house. I’m not but how can I nicely say to them — “I hate cats.”

    It’s sounds awful just saying it here. Seriously. I wanted to hit the delete button. But, like I said, no one will even read this post it’s so late to the party.

  73. of course we read it!……don’t worry………..you’re amonst friends…I personally am comme si comme ca about felines……….but your secret won’t go beyond us. Take a deep breath!

  74. OK so I’m finding this a year and a half later, but snorted tea up my nose reading it. Yes, yes and yes on these truths. I’m just a bit too much of a people pleaser to be this honest…in print. The posture meter is a cruel idea, but I could use one. I may make a stab at writing a post like this, but it’ll probably end up trashed when I get a good look at myself. I’m nothing if not delusional. Thank you for always inspiring and making me laugh. Laughter is the tonic of my life. It’s how I get past all the crap around us these days!
    Jennifer
    Where can I get that meter? And by the way, the chocolate stash is pure genius and Bob Dylan sounds like a dying moaner.

  75. HI Slim, here’s one for ya: I have never seen GONE WITH THE WIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I must be th only person who hasn’t! I loved Sawyer, hate jazz and my hubby loves it:(. This was wonderful. XO, Pinky

  76. I can’t stand Julia Roberts. I especially can’t stand Pretty Women. Her screaking laugh makes me cringe.
    She’s the same in every single movie. Although she seems like a nice person.

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